Category Archives: Films

Suspend Your Disbelief #2: Orphan

Hello, all! This post brought to you by the Cheetah Girls because why the hell not! I’m listening to that soundtrack at this very moment and I can tell you I am not disappointed.

Those sweatsuits should be hung in a museum!

In honor of Halloween, I’d like to review a wonderful little film called Orphan. This is a bit of a throwback but I watched it for the first time yesterday and boy is it one of the strangest films I have seen in a while. What are the chances of seeing Peter Saarsgard and Clove from the Hunger Games in a movie together? 24 hours ago, I would have said the odds were pretty damn slim. Now, everything has changed.

Continue reading Suspend Your Disbelief #2: Orphan

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Review of Madame Bovary: All I want is everything!

Hello, all! This post brought to you by Michael Nyman and his supposedly “simple”  piano music. Why did you throw in 3/8 meter when 4/4 was doing just fine?

That’s not a good answer

Today I watched Madame Bovary, and despite the middling Rotten Tomato reviews, I was quite impressed. I’ve never read Gustave Flaubert’s book, so I can’t compare it to the text, but I understand from the reviews that it diverges from the plot in some significant ways. That being said, I’m going to review this movie as if Flaubert’s book had never been written, therefore reducing the chances of me sounding like an uncultured swine. I get it, Flaubert’s novel is a masterpiece and the movie didn’t do it justice, but sometimes we must forget our expectations and enjoy movies for what they are: visual mediums. Stream of consciousness and fluctuating point-of-views work for novels, but they don’t work very well for movies. Continue reading Review of Madame Bovary: All I want is everything!

The Woman in Black 2: What about the CHILDREN?

Hello all! This post brought to you by the color black. To all the black holes that will eventually consume the universe, I offer my greetings. Earth might taste a little greasy on the first bite, but I’m sure you’ll find our molten core to be delicious. Today I’m reviewing The Women in Black 2: Angel of Death, or as it should really be called The Women in Black 2: This British Girl is NOT Daniel Radcliffe. At first viewing I thought “Surely Daniel will be appearing any moment now.” But he never did, and thus this film could never be more than mediocre. Now when I reflect upon it, I’m glad Daniel Radcliffe wasn’t in the movie. All of the children would have been like “HARRY POTTER!” and that would have been distracting for the Woman in Black. Rocking back and forth in a ghostly manner takes a lot of focus.  Continue reading The Woman in Black 2: What about the CHILDREN?

Black Mass Review: Gangstas Be Trippin’

Hello all! This post brought to you by Kevin Bacon. Remember folks, it ain’t a Boston movie without Bacon. Yesterday I watched Black Mass, the movie that will reinvent Johnny Depp’s career. But actually, if you skip over all of the stupid projects that I assume Depp did for the money, you’re left with Edward Scissorhands and What’s Eating Gilbert Grape and Sweeney Todd and Chocolat and various other Tim Burton weirdlands, so it’s actually quite an impressive resume. If you pretend Mortdechai never happened, I will too.  Continue reading Black Mass Review: Gangstas Be Trippin’

Review of The Harvest: A Sneak Sneaks Sneakily

The Harvest was recently released on Netflix, and if you’re anything like me, a picture of Michael Shannon inside the outline of a burning house is too intriguing to ignore. I wanted to watch Take Shelter instead, another Shannon pick in the same vein of rural crazy people, but it cost $12 on Amazon and I’m not rolling in dough here! With that said, let’s take a look into the twisted world in which Michael Shannon’s face is not the film’s creepiest…[spoilers ahead] Continue reading Review of The Harvest: A Sneak Sneaks Sneakily

Ultraviolence: The Good, Bad, and Exploitative of Media Violence

Violence in the media is always a touchy topic. Many viewers are divided on its usage and its consequences. Some activist groups like the Parents Television Council want to limit all graphic violence from media, as well as sex and profanity. Other groups support violence in moderation, while a third bracket of viewers support the freedom of expression over preventing any “harmful effects” that media violence could propagate. Personally, I fall in the third group. I’ve always had a high gore tolerance (hence my love of slasher movies), and often when watching a particularly gruesome scene, I’ve stopped and wondered “Have I become desensitized?” Continue reading Ultraviolence: The Good, Bad, and Exploitative of Media Violence

Are Horror Movies Losing Their Fear Factor?

Let me preface this post by saying I adore horror movies. Scratch that, I live for them, and plan on directing many of my own someday. I watched my first in sixth grade, back when a B-Movie slasher like the remake of Prom Night could scare me, and ever since then I’ve been hooked. But I’ve noticed that as the years have passed, these movies have become less and less frightening to me. Continue reading Are Horror Movies Losing Their Fear Factor?

High School Movies: The Good Girl and the Bad Girl

In pretty much EVERY high school movie you ever see, there is one typical objective: Get the Guy! Sure, you have your 10 Things I Hate About You which oh so smoothly changes the purpose to Get the Girl, or Superbad, which is not so much Get the Girl as Lose Your Virginity to the Girl and then realize that all you really wanted was a deep relationship with your pervy friends, but you get the point. Continue reading High School Movies: The Good Girl and the Bad Girl