Harry Potter and the Cursed Child Has Ruined Canon Forever

Hello, everyone! As I look outside my window, the world seems normal. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping. It’s almost as if a devastating massacre of character and plot had not occurred. It’s almost as if a beloved cultural icon had not been destroyed. It’s almost as if The Bloodsucking Cashgrab, also known as Harry Potter and The Cursed Child had not been released. This might be a little ranty, but I’m quite angry, and sad, and disappointed about how the whole thing has turned out.  Spoilery stuff ahead, but c’mon…are you really going to London to see it?

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BRB, just DYING INSIDE

 

Recently, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child opened in London for a series of preview showings before the official opening in July. I have been ambivalent about this continuation of Harry Potter ever since I heard of it, partly because I’m a person who is very resistant to change, especially if it happens to my beloved pieces of pop-culture, but also because a lot of beloved icons are being “revived” lately and I think that it’s an awful trend. Nevertheless, I wanted to believe in The Cursed Child  because that’s just what you do when you really love something. Like lots of people in my generation, Harry Potter  is a seminal part of our adolescence. I re-read the books every year, and watch the movies too. The seventh book ended the series in a perfect place. Harry, Ron, and Hermione were adults, with children and stable jobs. That was all we knew and all we needed to know.  Harry Potter wasn’t supposed to be about adult life. It was about one boy’s journey to adulthood, and that journey happened to be impeded by evil wizards and basilisks and general magical mayhem. J.K left Harry at a wonderful place. Now that we knew that he had lived to adulthood and had finally become a semi-normal part of society, we could leave him. All of the years after, if we ever felt inclined to fill them in, were left up to our imagination. Then, for some reason that I cannot possibly understand, J.K decided to resurrect the whole gang to tell a story that doesn’t need to be told!

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And that isn’t even the worst thing about The Cursed Child. The worst thing is that not only did J.K Rowling needlessly write a new Harry Potter story, she wrote a story that ruins her own canon. If you’ve looked at the news surrounding the play or followed J.K’s Twitter, you’ll have noticed that she has been spreading this hashtag called #KeepTheSecrets and one that says #DontBeWormtail. This is to keep the people who’ve seen the play from spreading spoilers all around the internet. That is infuriating because for one,  it’s not like The Cursed Child is a movie that everyone can go to a theater and see,  it’s a fucking play that is being released in one theater in London, so only the privileged few can see it, and two, after reading these spoilers, it’s clear that this warning is to keep people in the dark so that they won’t know how badly she fucked up. Despite her wishes, some playgoers have posted spoilers on Reddit and Tumblr and there’s an entire plot synopsis on the Daily Beast.  I’m going to talk about a few of these plot points, so if you don’t want to be spoiled, stop reading now amigo.

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From reading the plot synopsis, we gather that the play is mostly about Harry’s son, Albus, and Malfoy’s son Scorpius, and how they decide to travel back in time to stop Cedric Diggory’s murder during the Triwizard Tournament. Now, if you’re a Harry Potter fan, your first reaction might be:

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Because you can’t do that! YOU CAN’T DO THAT! In the HP books, time travel is self consistent, so even if you go back in time, you won’t be able to change anything. We saw this in The Prisoner of Azkaban when Harry was saved in the future by a hidden person’s patronus, and then realized when he went back in time that he was the one who cast the patronus. But in The Cursed Child, when Albus and Scorpius go back in time to save Cedric Diggory, they do change the future, which means the entire premise of The Cursed Child, from the very beginning, creates a fucking GIGANTIC plot hole for the whole HP series. If Time Turners really do allow wizards to go back in time and change the future, then why doesn’t Harry save his parents from being murdered? Why doesn’t someone kill Voldemort when he’s a little baby? Why doesn’t Harry save Fred from being killed at the Battle of Hogwarts? If the Time Turner allows wizards to literally re-write the past, then Harry could have saved every single person he loves from dying and there would’ve been no story. The funny thing is that years ago, J.K said that she regretted introducing the Time Turners into HP because they gave wizards too much power. That’s why she had them all destroyed in the Fifth book, therefore preventing anymore fans from asking why Harry didn’t just save Sirius or his parents. She also made Dumbledore put in a cautionary warning saying that if you went back in time, fucking awful things could happen to you and that wizards had killed themselves from fright. But I guess it’s totally okay to base your entire play around time travel with a Time Turner because that doesn’t ruin seven books of canon, not one bit.

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So already the premise of the time travel is crazy. But of course, if there is a time-travel element, there must be alternate universes to show the characters how fucked up it is to mess with time. J.K did a fantastic job with these alternate universes because they’re fucking awful. Sorry for the swearing, by the way. I’m just really incensed by this. Anyway, Albus and Scorpius decide to stop Cedric from dying by sabotaging his performance in the Dragon round of the Triwizard Cup. Somehow, this works? But this opens up a whole new can of worms. If Cedric doesn’t win the tournament, then neither does Harry, because Cedric was the one who gave Harry the mermaid egg clue. And if Harry doesn’t win the Tournament, that means he never makes it to the graveyard, which means that Voldemort never even gains a body because he needed Harry’s blood to make it happen, which just means that none of the other books happen GAH!

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As a result of saving Cedric, an alternate universe is created where Ron never marries Hermione and other horrible things happen. Don’t ask me why this would happen, because Cedric had no effect on their relationship, but I guess it does. Then Albus and Scorpius go back in time again to change shit, having not learned a single thing from their first botched attempt, and this time the alternate universe they created has Umbridge as headmaster and Harry having been killed in the Battle of Hogwarts. And the reason behind this is because, apparently, after ruining Cedric’s chances of becoming the Triwizard Champion, he became an angry scene kid, joined the Death Eaters, and helped usher in the era of Voldemort.

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This aspect of the plot makes me think that The Cursed Child was mostly written by co-writers Jack Thorne and John Tiffany. To write that Cedric Diggory, the boy whose only characteristic was to be the Paul Rudd of Hogwarts, became a Death Eater after losing the Triwizard Tournament  to Harry Potter  is ridiculous. And you know why I know that? Because Cedric was fucking MURDERED because of Harry Potter and was totally chill with it. He helped Harry beat Voldemort in the graveyard! He’s the last person who would care about losing a tournament and he certainly never would’ve become a Death Eater because of it. Cedric was such a straight arrow that he was practically a Mormon. And anyways, the Triwizard Tournament is a big deal but it’s not that big of a deal. Harry wins the whole damn thing and no one really cares afterwards. I don’t think the Triwizard Tournament was ever mentioned again after the fifth book! It’s not like you gain immortal fame, it’s more like  you become Miss America for a year and then everyone forgets about you. And this isn’t the only characterization that isn’t consistent. A prominent conflict in the play is that Harry doesn’t get along with Albus because he’s in Slytherin. He even says that sometimes he wishes Albus wasn’t his son.

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ok fam

Alright, that’s cool. That’s fine. Fatherless Harry Potter who spends the whole series pining after his parents would tell his own son that he wishes he was never born. That’s definitely something that Harry would do. And, after telling Albus in the seventh book that it didn’t matter if he was a Slytherin because he LITERALLY NAMED HIM AFTER A SLYTHERIN, he decides that being a Slytherin is a bad thing. This is not nonsense. It is not nonsense at all.

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But the absolute worst plot point of all revolves around the very title of the play, The Cursed Child. Harry doesn’t want Albus to hang out with Scorpius because there are rumors in the Wizarding World that Scorpius is actually Voldemort’s illegitimate son.  Then comes the plottiest plot twist of all–there is a Cursed Child, and it isn’t Scorpius, it’s Delphie, who is the illegitimate child of  VOLDEMORT AND BELLATRIX.

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WHAT THE FUCK? How could J.K Rowling have let this horrible nonsense become a play and let people pay for it and let them watch it? How on Earth did this happen? This is like saying that Sauron had a child with one of his orks. This is like saying that the demon from Insidious  had a child with the woman in black. This is like…I can’t even think of any more examples that would illustrate how unlikely and physically impossible this would be. Voldemort wasn’t even a human when he supposedly conceived a child with Bellatrix. He was a disgusting bag of bones and wax made from the blood of a teenager. His body had died and decayed! He had lived in a snake, and on someone’s head and in a diary! His soul was fractured into seven fucking pieces and he didn’t even have a working nose, yet somehow he conceived a child on Bellatrix, who is also a barely functioning human who is rotting inside from all of the dark magic she uses and lived in the cesspool known as Azkaban for 13 years! And even if the physical was possible, which it’s not, why the fuck would Voldemort have sex with anybody? He’s not a person, he’s a force of concentrated evil. He doesn’t feel love, or pleasure, or human desire. All he wants is power. There have been thousands of words of fan-fiction devoted to a fake relationship between Bellatrix and Voldemort and I’m ashamed and astonished that it became a “reality.”  It’s true that Bellatrix and Voldemort had an intense relationship, but it wasn’t a sexual thing. She was obsessed with him and he used her. But he also punished her horribly when she failed him and she was terrified of him. There is no plausible situation that would have had him fathering a child on her. None.

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So far, all of the “reviews” from audience members have been positive. I don’t get it. Either they haven’t read the books, or they’re lying through their teeth. I don’t see how any fan of the HP books could watch this play and not feel like they had been betrayed, what with the re-writing of canon, the botching of characterization, and that horrid Cursed Child nonsense. I really, really, REALLY want to believe that these faults lie in the hands of Jack Thorne and John Tiffany because I can’t accept that J.K Rowling helped write this travesty. But I can’t deny the fact that she let this be published. I don’t know why she agreed to do this. She’s already incredibly rich and it’s not like she’s faded from public view (her Cormoran Strike books are really popular).  All I know is that I feel upset and disappointed and betrayed, and according to the Reddit threads, I’m not the only one. I don’t know what is worse: The Cursed Child  or Go Set A Watchman. Both ruined the canon of beloved, iconic works. With that in mind, I’ll do to The Cursed Child exactly what I did to  GSAW. I’ll pretend that it doesn’t exist.

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I’m glad that Alan Rickman wasn’t alive to see this. Sorry. Too soon.
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11 thoughts on “Harry Potter and the Cursed Child Has Ruined Canon Forever”

  1. Obviously, you’re pretty upset. I get the passion. A few notes: JK asking to keep the spoilers contained for now does not mean she wants fans in the dark. On July 31st, I believe, the script is being released as a book. I don’t think we have enough information to draw definite conclusions about whether the plot really damages canon. If you could accept the concept of time turners in Prisoner of Azkaban, you’re not in a position to dismiss the device out of hand. What matters is HOW they are used and whether they follow their own rules. You can’t analyze that until you close read the script. One detail mentioned in a summary of the plot is that there is a scene near the end where Harry actually does end up at the night Voldemort killed his parents, looking on and KNOWING he cannot intervene in what is an incredibly poignant moment.

    I get the vitriol, I really do. Some of the plot points surfacing online are quite bizarre and difficult to comprehend, but remember that we are considering all of this out of context. I really don’t think JK did this for the money, she’s already richer than God and a philanthropist who routinely gives away millions of dollars. I personally think she agreed to this project largely as a way to promote theater. Even though it may seem like bad fan fiction from the summaries online, responses from almost everyone who has actually seen the production on stage are not just good, but overwhelmingly positive. Keep an open mind if you can for now, would love to chat about it more when it’s actually released.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for your thoughtful comment and thanks for reading 🙂 You make a lot of valid points. This post was mainly reactionary and came from a place of hurt (if I can actually claim being hurt over fictional literature). I’m sure that the play will be incredibly well-written and moving and be wonderfully designed. But I don’t think it’s unreasonable to be upset by some of the plot points because they’re not out of context, not entirely. We don’t have the actual dialogue, but we do have the entire summary of the play. Perhaps the time turners can be explained, but the very fact that the future can change, when it couldn’t in the other books, cannot be explained. I feel like the whole play is unnecessary. It feels like Go Set A Watchman 2.0, except I’m sure that J.K was fully involved with this, while I’m not sure that Harper Lee was. I’m glad that J.K is supporting the theater, but why not create a play about Cormoran Strike or even The Casual Vacancy? Why take a beloved piece of fiction and try to re-write canon? It doesn’t make sense to me.

      In hindsight, my post title is a wee bit over the top. But it gets the clicks!

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      1. I’m appalled that you’re even trying to justify your butt hurt rant! It ridiculous that you would believe yourself so important trying to insinuate that JK Rowling should be ashamed for creating another piece of this wonderful fandom. Are you serious???? Have you seen the play? No. Have you read the actual dialogue? NO! I hate when people jump to conclusions getting all high and mighty because they think they’re not going to like something or it ruins something they already love! YOU HAVEN’T EVEN EXPERIENCED THE REAL THING YET!!! Being upset for the sake of it is just sad, instead of trying to keep an open mind and waiting until after you’ve read the play you go on an attention seeking spew about all the plot “holes”! I just want to remind you that 1. IT’S FICTIONAL ( the whole fandom is made up!!!!! Sometimes plot holes happen because not every little detail can be protected in a story that is made up entirely in someone’s head!!!!) 2. IT’S FUCKING MAGIC!!! ( if Voldemort wants to impregnat Bellatrix he can and he doesn’t have to sleep with her….even in the real world it’s possible to conceive without sex so I’m sure in a magical world they have other ways aka MAGIC. Same goes for the time turners! Just because it is magical technology doesn’t mean it can’t change or improve and therefore allow the user to interfere with the past! ) Originally I wanted to see what people’s reactions to the new play were but this is just a rubbish post from someone who hasn’t even seen it so I really wasted my time. It obvious you wrote this for the clicks, so good job on that behalf because you fooled me.

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      2. I respect your opinion and I’m sorry if my post upset you. I, like you, feel very strongly about this issue, but we both have different opinions. If you are okay with major plot holes in your Harry Potter, then that’s totally okay. I’m not, and that’s okay too. We can both co-exist. Thanks for giving me my first negative comment, no sarcasm intended.

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      3. What you’re doing is like giving a terrible review to a restaurant where you just look at the dish but didn’t even try it! You’re right that our opinions are different and you’re entitled to share yours, so I’m not going to drag this out but it makes me sad (previously furious) that as such a passionate fan of the hp series, you’re already searching for reasons to hate this new addition (which is canon btw!) This post is just one more cry of negativity and hate that the world doesn’t need. There are several more important issues to get mad about and the new Harry Potter story really isn’t one of them. But like I said if sharing that negativity is what makes you feel better then keep at it! (I honestly thought the post was a joke until I read the previous comments which led me to put in my 2 cents).

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      4. It’s true that I have not read the actual dialogue of the play, but I have read the whole plot summary. From what I have heard, the play itself is heartwarming, well acted, and wonderfully staged. I’m sure that is all true. But that doesn’t change the fact that there are large plot holes, which to me are very concerning. I don’t see the point in this new play / book at all. Why change something that ended perfectly with a work that tarnishes past books instead of making them better? As a passionate HP fan, are you truly happy with Voldemort getting Bellatrix pregnant? Or Cedric turning into a Death Eater? Does that seem like Harry Potter to you? Because if The Cursed Child had never come out and someone had told me that those things happened, I would have thought they were fan fiction. And as for there being several more important things for me to get made about than the new Harry Potter, this is a blog that talks about movies and netflix and shit. I’m aware that there are horrible things going on in the world, but that doesn’t mean I can’t react to a piece of pop culture. This post is particularly negative, but I write a lot of others that aren’t.

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  2. Hello there, I am new to this website and just stumbled upon your post as I was searching for images from the play. Now, 1 1/2 months have passed since its release and I am halfway through reading the play’s script as a book and I am very glad to not be the only one finding it a pain in the neck to read it. I have been a fan growing up with the series, just as you seem to be, and I feel betrayed by what J.K. has allowed to happen to the beloved characters. More than once have I not been able to continue reading about the events that take place in The Cursed Child (for example Harry’s and Hermione’s absolutely untypical behavior during the Scene where they inform the Ministry’s employees about the danger of Time Turners and ongoing concerns about this topic [I hope you know what I am referring to; even though I personally find it a horrible story, I don’t want to spoil too much]). And it is an effort for me to pick up that book and continue to read (as I don’t like not finishing a book once I have started).
    I wanted to thank you for expressing my exact feels about this play. And, by the way, I am amazed how well-considered you picked up all the aspects that show the inconsistency of the characters and the framework of the Harry Potter world even before you had the chance to read the script.
    Best regards from Germany (and therefor, sorry for my bad English)!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your kind comment! I think a lot of devoted Harry Potter fans, like you and I, are feeling sort of taken aback by how inconsistent The Cursed Child is with the rest of the series. Most people I have met have decided to treat it more as fan fiction or an unauthorized sequel than the real deal. Don’t worry about your English, it’s perfect!

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  3. The show itself is stunning – wonderfully staged, acted etc., but I can’t get beyond how terrible the story is (I agree with all of your points above) and I was really disappointed in the direction they took it in. JK is usually very faithful to her characters, so I *really* didn’t understand what she did with Cedric and Voldemort.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree. The part with Cedric seems the most egregious to me because he was the essence of a “good person.” I’m a bit peeved with her right now and I hope she stops trying to continue the series.

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  4. Bit late to the party but I agree with you. I wasn’t that bothered about seeing the trio grow up so the news of the play left me indifferent. I did see the play before the script came out and whilst I do think it’s amazing in the way it is staged, l walked out feeling confused about everything I knew about Harry Potter.

    Let me just reitterate the show looks marvelous, there’s some gorgous little tricks which are the stars of the show. However whilst everyone seemingly loved it, I sat there thinking what has happened to all these characters. What is going on? They look like the characters I know & love but every word coming out of there mouths sounds wrong (Harry, Snape and Draco I’m looking at you especially). It’s only silly but the writers attempts at middle aged humour referencing farmers markets and no sugar diets might have made the audience titter but I found it cringey. I didn’t really like Harry by the end, very shouty which worked when he was a child but as a man just left me cold. It’s sad when you’ve fallen out of love with one of your favourite characters.

    Months later I still feel pretty angry that my favourite series was reduced to banalities, cliches and a contrived plot.
    I basically felt like I was being forced into feeling for these characters rather than it happening naturally. The scene where Harry watches his parents die felt so wrong, like the writers were throwing every emotional cliche into the plot they could think of. Instead I just felt numb. I think by this point I was so horrified by the Delphi storyline, that my brain had given up taking in any more information, it just shut down to protect myself. It didn’t help that she acted like a panto villain either. Was half expecting her to do a comedy evil laugh just to get the point across. Mwahaha.

    Ultimately, I’m not laughing, having seen it it’s so hard to write a review as I have conflicted feelings about the show as a whole because you can’t seperate the story from the spectacle. Everyone seemed to love it though so I’m just going to have to live with it quietly devestated!

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